Nobody can claim that they’ve been in a perfect
relationship, even if you have strong relationship and have never been more in
love. This is because many of us venerate love as a knight in shining armor that
will release us from the rusty cage of loneliness, pain & struggle.Just
like in the movies & all John Lennon’s song, we perceive love as a
celebration & believe that all we need is love. Above all, if love solves
everything, why aren’t we really content with our relationship? Why are they
couples unexpectedly breaks up after being together for long years? Why are we
cheating & looking for sex elsewhere? The answer is because, we over estimate relationship as love
and conspicuously omit the type of romantic
relationship we are in. Or even worst, we don’t realize what type of
relationship we are facing and before it’s too late, we have had many unrealistic
expectations. Unfortunately, whenever someone is displaying affection, kindness,
and a tiny winy bit of flirtation, our fickle mind perceives it as love and as
a result we develop impractical expectation that will sabotage the very relationship
we hold dear in the first place. To avoid future alcohol addiction, wrist
slitting & re-contemplating your sexual orientation due to ‘love’ failure,
it is worthwhile to understand the type of relationship you are undergoing. On
that account, here are 5 type of relationship feeling you need to understand
before proposing.
1. Strictly Platonic Relationship
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| I will be with thy finger and will teach ye about love |
This is the most predominant type of relationship you will witness
in MMU. Yet, the best part is most couples don’t even know that they are
having a platonic relationship. It’s really easy to identify though, for
example if your girlfriend says ‘No touching, No kissing, No hanky-panky’ but
only allows phone sex in William Shakespeare’s metrical pattern for not more
than 10 minutes, then you are at it.
It’s not really a bad thing though. For starters, the term
is named after the philosopher Plato. Platonic relationship is a type of love
that is non sexual & chaste. Sexual relationship is restricted until
marriages in most major religions of the world and this sexual abstinence
feature is the essence of platonic relationship. Without the desire to get in
somebody else pants, people who are in platonic relationship tends to fall in
love genuinely with each other's personality and soul. It is the
original sense of love that explains the possibilities of loving someone
emotionally and not sexually, which is obviously mighty rare in today’s
generation.
Platonic love is divinely beautiful and the original ‘true
love’. In simpler terms a love or special kind of attraction that is beyond
physical or carnal desire. Unlike unrequited love or being 'friend zoned', in a
Platonic relationship both are usually aware and acknowledge the desires they
have for one another but this does not manifest in typical romancing or
courtship usually out of fear of rejection, personal inadequacy or even
principles, thus remain ambiguous.
The Downside
Platonic love may bloom into a full-fledged relationship if partners
are platonic and able to tolerate sexual abstinence. If not it might fade into
obscurity. Nevertheless, a platonic partner (especially women) may yield to sex
out of fear of getting dumped or cheated on. This in turn, makes her insecure
and increases the chances to seek for a new suitable partner. And that’s when
she will dump you for a guy that looks like Napoleon Dynamite.
How To Make Things Better?
You must be able to provide true love, a genuine companion
experience, and most importantly able to control your sexual desires. A good
way to know if your significant other is platonic or not is simply to ask them
what they are looking for in an ideal relationship. If all signs leads to
platonic, you just have to be a good companion, show affection (but NEVER EVER
overdo it) and try to develop emotional feelings with each other.
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| True love was never about physical appearance or sexuality |
2. The Trophy Relationship
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| The Golden Banana Award |
Historically, the word trophy does not refer to the useless
heap of shiny metal you receive for winning the crossword puzzle championship.
Trophy is derived from the Greek word ‘Tropian’ which literally means, body
parts. Specifically bodies from hunting. That’s right, trophy was used to refer to a
specific body parts or slaves that were obtained through combats or warfare,
which over the years developed to be regarded as a status symbol. Status symbol
grants you the never ending rights to brag on how awesome you are to you
friends. Hence the term trophy wife. Trophy wife is an informal term for a
wife, usually young and attractive, who is regarded as a status symbol for the
husband who is often an older and wealthy "sugar daddy". The term
trophy husband is the male equivalent.
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| Because who else would marry Kim if not the guy who wrote a song about gold diggers. |
A Trophy relationship works the same way in our modern
society. This type of relationship is very common among bimbos, Kim Kardashian
wannabes and narcissists. They are dating you because it makes them look better
in front of their friends or gives them something materialistic in return. The
love in this relationship may be true, but the foundation of the relationship
is built on shallow material ground instead of romantic compatibility. Which
makes the relationship very fragile and prone to getting dumped for someone
better
The Downside?
‘Is she using me?’, ‘Is she dating me just because I’m
international & shower with money?’, “will he still go out with me if I
don’t have a car?’ If such monologues keep rewinding in your mind like a broken
record, there is a high chance that you are a goddamn trophy. Congratulations
Champion!!This form of
relationship is very common in our campus, especially between internationals
& locals. International students are good looking and funded well by their
wealthy government. If there is anything local girls like in our campus, is
someone from a wealthy country that can supply you with infinite fossil
fuels. Plus, most of them look like Zayn Malik’s long lost brother or Jamie
Fox. You can’t simply friend zone this kind of people. In the name of love,
many international students felt like they were being used by their partner.
During relationship it’s all lovey dovey, fuck racism, say yeah! to interracial
& stuffs but when the guy propose and wants to bring her back home, she
will be like ‘Oh no habibi, you got it all wrong. I only saw you as my bestfriend’ (Just don’t
give someone false hope by making them to think you are the one)
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| Six packs will get you true lover sometimes...until you are 40 maybe? |
‘Some of you might even had told your friends stuffs like ‘He is dating you because of your wallet
& boobs. He just wants to impress his friends that he is a player & can
get any chicks’. These are just examples. So, why would anyone want to USE you in a relationship? Its
simple sonny, it’s your Brad Pitt/Maria Ozawa features OR the ability to spend
money like water, OR maybe you are famous and looked up upon? Come on, who
wouldn’t want to be with that type of person? The sad part is, if you are the
victim you can’t do anything about it. It’s common sense really, especially if
you are a dating a narcissist person.
How To Make Things Better?
Anyways, some people are perfectionist, materialistic &
wants the best out of everything BUT that does not mean they don’t love you.
Regardless, the love may be true but it is solely because of your achievements,
capabilities or beauty. If you are comfortable being in a trophy relationship, it is
totally fine. Seriously. Just don’t screw up your life. Always get the things
they want , because that is what makes them happy (It’s not a bad thing, some
people are materialistic & it’s totally fine)
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| "A friend of mine has a trophy wife. From the looks of her, it was first place" |
3. Toxic Relationship
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| Exchanging carbon dioxide is a common ritual among lovers |
Unfortunately, there is no subject in MMU on how not get
into a shitty relationship. Sure they have psychology, critical thinking,
accounting (for those calculative boyfriend/girlfriend) and moral studies? But
when it comes to reality, most of us are clueless about our relationship. We
don’t know what the progress is and we have no idea what to do next to improve the
relationship. As a result, guys will watch porn and women will resort to the
advice columns in Seventeen magazine to ‘improve’ their relationship. Yes, it’s
trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been
mostly error.
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| So what if i slept with your sister?!Its not like I slept with some stranger's sister!!Fucking be reasonable! |
Toxic relationship is an example of a shitty relationship.
Perhaps, one of the sneakiest & dangerous relationship out there. Toxic
relationship is a relationship that seem pleasant from the outside, but for
some unexplainable reason, they zap the energy out of you, including your
happiness and life. It is a drug, a black hole in space that consumes you from
the inside. You get so addicted to the relationship and you can’t seem to
escape. Your social life changes, one by one your friends will leave you for
being selfish, you become extremely sensitive when someone talks about your
partner, you are clouded by jealously and insecurities and the best part is, you
don’t even know why you are behaving this way. Fuck it! you don’t even like
that relationship! But you just can’t leave… Creepy right? Indeed. As a matter
of fact, maybe some of you have heard or witnessed how your friends ‘change’
when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Some even assert their friends got
voodoed or ‘kena jampi’ to be in that kind of relationship. But that’s not the
case here.
The Downside
As mentioned above, you may not even realize that you are in
a toxic relationship. Why? Because you are ignorant. Most couple thinks that
fighting, jealously and other ego based issues are common, but you are wrong.
What may seem to you as healthy and normal are actually toxic & destroying
everything you hold dear.
One of the most common phenomenon in a toxic relationship is
the keeping score attitude. Your boyfriend blames you for the past mistakes you
made in relationship and in turn, you just had to bring up his past issues.
This is called the relationship scorecard where it becomes a battle to see who
has fucked up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the
other one more.
The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or
both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify
current righteousness. This is pointless and you are just digging your own
grave filled with cupid’s tears & memories. Instead of making love, the
whole relationship becomes a manipulation-ship. Both parties manipulate each
other to make them feel guilty. People spend all of their time trying to be
less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.
Another Downside
Keeping scorecard habit will eventually evolve into the
holding the relationship-hostage situation.
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| No.Not this hostage situation |
Hostage situation in a
relationship is when one person has a simple criticism or complaint and
blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship
as a whole. For example, when someone says ‘I love you only if… or I love you
but…’, ‘If you don’t…., I will breakup/leave you/cut myself/call your mum etc.,
constant calling and texting out of suspicions, and many other conditional
things that should not even be conditional in a healthy relationship. For instance,
if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like
you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold
to me all of the time.” It can get very annoying at times.
The Super Downside
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| One more time or il make you suck on my fist that im sucking! |
If there is anything you can gain from emotional blackmail
is tons of childish dramas in your love life. Toxic relationship should be
curbed from the beginning to prevent commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both
people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be
communicated safely to one another without threatening the relationship itself.
Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to
an environment of distrust and manipulation. In order to gain control over the relationship and their
partner, violence would seem like the best option for the losing party. This is
where toxic relationship escalates into an abusive relationship. Abusers will
threaten, intimidate and wear the victim down, preventing them from gaining
emotional control over the abuser. There is no fair play this time, no
scorecards, no hostage.
How To Make Things Better
If you are in a toxic relationship, talk to your partner
about insecurities and emotional feelings. Talk it out and try to understand
what both of you are expecting from each other. If possible be tolerable and
give them some time to be committed. If both of you can’t come to an agreement,
mutually end it before turning it into toxic or an abusive relationship. If you
are already a victim of an abusive, talk to a friend and leave the
relationship. Do not be afraid. It is important to remember is that it is
absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for
getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These
people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities
against you. Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve better
treatment or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers
even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good
impression of them. In private is a different story, which is also quite
baffling.
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| You called her a bitch when she was in fact warning you. |
4. The Past Time Fling or Open Relationship
A friend of mine (a business
graduate from MMU) recently changed her Facebook status from ‘single’ to
‘in an open relationship’. So I asked her who are you dating now and she said
‘no one, why?’ ‘I saw your fb status, it stated that you are in an open
relationship?’ ‘NO la! Open
relationship means you are open for a relationship la stupid!’ ‘Ha-ha, wow! I feel so stupid that I want to crack open
my skull with a concrete brick now!’ I couldn’t find a brick so I wished her
good luck getting a boyfriend and ended my friendship with her that very day. Here is a guide for “Open relationship definition for dummies”. Anyways, open relationship simply means an intimate non monogamous
relationship. Which means, you have a date but she allows you date other people
too. Normally this occurs among people who are seeking for a no strings
attached kind of relationship or a short term relationship to explore and
experiment with their romance personality before taking it to a more serious
level. Of course many people can’t take the idea well at first. I mean, come on,
nobody wants the person they love to be going out and making love with someone
else. And the jealously, possessiveness and insecurities, oh my! it is beyond
me to handle such emotions. But then, so is any other relationship.
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| Nope. Unfortunately that is not our FET lecturer. |
Open relationship is suitable for you if you don’t want to
get hurt in the long run OR you just want to skip all the dramas and jump straight into action. Let’s face it, you are 20 years old and you want to be in a
serious relationship now? Spending the rest of your life looking at the same
genitals for the rest of your life? Adding to the fact, when his sex drive
decreases faster than yours? For the rest of your life?! Are you going cheat?!
Now you see why being in open relationship is playing safe. Not only sexually
but also emotionally. For example after a bad breakup, chances are you still
abide in your past insecurities or fear. Therefore, a serious relationship
might sound like a big gamble, but if you have the aptitude and able to be open
minded, an open relationship seems like a viable option.
The Downside
You are just a weak human vulnerable to emotions and
feelings, so even in an open relationship you are still in love with your
partner. Deep down, you know that you are happy with your partner. Both of you
know each other so well as if it is meant to be and there is nothing to hide.
Couples in an open relationship will not try to impress each other, so they’ve
got no reason to lie about commitments or other stuffs. Living in the basis of
honesty is the best policy every day, somewhere inside, you’re convinced that
the relationship is strong and might last forever. And that’s when you will
fall in love. Get ready to get hurt when she is not answering your calls at
night.
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| My heart shattered when i saw him with a woman. |
Being in an open relationship in our wonderful MMU community
can be difficult. Just take a stroll with any of your guy/girlfriend alone at
night. Next thing you know, rumors about you having sex with that particular
person will be trending in twitter. And that’s only one person. Imagine if they
saw your partner with another guy. The key to avoid being negatively judged by
the community is to set some boundaries.
How To Make Things Better
As with any part of a relationship, it’s important to
establish ground rules for yourselves before you begin having an open relationship.
All couples will be different, and there are some things you will have to
decide together. There are a few things that are almost always best avoided
too, for example who should know about this relationship? Is dating mutual
friends allowed? Dating spots? and many more. All in all, being in an open
relationship can bring a new insight on how relationship works. Just don’t
spread sexually transmitted diseases around our campus.
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| Open relationship is like a Kangaroo orgy. Everybody is fucking somebody. |
5. Puppy Love
Remember when you were in standard one and you fell in love
with the standard six girl right after she hit puberty? No? Okay, remember that
time you fell in love with your form one classmate because she was the fairest
among all? And remember that time you posted Papa roach’s Scar lyrics on your
Friendster when she decided to become a bitch and break up with you? Let’s be honest, we all been through that and sometimes
we laugh at ourselves thinking how dumb were we for using Friendster.
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| Friendster.You can even choose you own emo layout before posting images of your cut wrist. |
Puppy love is basically the drug of romantic feelings. It is
a simple infatuation or crush that has no direction. Some sort of blind
affection that is not based on romantic feelings at all. Basically, puppy love
is a term used to describe what many kids/teenagers/whatever call love,
implying that they are incapable of the same type of true love that adults are
capable of. However, puppy love is most likely equally common among adults. It
is just like seeing a pup in a pet shop, you instantly fall in love with it but
you don’t have the intention to actually take it back home (because you dont have money to buy it,and even if you had you will use it for something else) Hence the name
puppy love.
If there is any other better word to describe puppy love it
is ‘love at first sight’, which many idiotas in MMU claims to be the pure &
unreasoned love. (Which is total BS because I’ve never heard anyone to be at love at first sight on a below average chick or a
fat chick.) And that is the very reason why puppy love is nothing but mere
admiration where personality doesn’t play a role.
Many guys in MMU fall in this category. I’ve overheard or
read some confessions where pathetic loner boys in MMU proposing to a girl
anonymously in MMU confession.
The Downside
You, my sad pathetic loner boy should get out from
the puppy love zone. In the puppy love world, usually one person will develop a
surface crush on somebody. It could be anyone, a girl in your class, a random
girl you met at the pasar malam, or
someone you saw in Ucentre. Due to
their inability to approach and introduce themselves or propose, these
people resort to watching their crush from afar, daydreaming about them. Sometimes,
the girl might be their own friend that they hang out, but due to lack of balls
size, the admirer tend to keep his feelings to himself expecting the girl to
understand it. And just like any other Hollywood movie, this chick will leave him for another douche bag. This usually leads to heavy depression once
they're struck with the realization that they will never get to be with this
person. After the depression stage, the loner learns to accept his fate like he
has done so many times in the past.
Puppy love is also the love between a young couples within a
few weeks of getting together. You know, the type of immature couple that you
always see holding hands together 24/7. Even at the young age of 19, they
would’ve probably planned what to name their future kids, the house they gonna
live in, cars, reception venue, type of insurance they gonna take and etc. For
God sake this people are still living by the basis of pocket money from their
parents. But that is what puppy love does to you. It is a drug, it alters your
reality and consumes you into the tantalizing romantic world where you can
build anything using your imagination. It’s annoying.
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If you marry on the strength of puppy love, you'll end up
leading a dog's life
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